Stop Over-Giving! Men and Women!

balance-jpg-310-x-312“It’s hard today to strike a balance.  I go to work, come home, and have to ‘give’ to my family – after I have been ‘giving’ all day; working for them, and trying to ‘give’ to please my administration.”

“I’m too tired after taking care of everyone else to do anything for myself.”

“I keep giving all my love and attention but it doesn’t get returned.”

If these statements resonate with you, are all too familiar, you may be over giving.  It is a pattern; a way of being that becomes habitual.  It’s the way you may have learned to be by watching others, or hearing certain things either in youth or even when you were older.  You may have experienced others working hard and over giving to everyone around them; putting themselves last, or maybe not ever giving to themselves at all.

The danger is that we are not “feeding” the soul, and much like all energetic things, without the right “food” it will “die” – it will begin to be tired, and then a malfunction will occur.  Imagine not giving your car any gas, and expecting it to keep on “giving” to you.

The irony is that when we over give we are actually keeping ourselves tired, and creating a repeated pattern every day.  Because the physical laws of the universe are at work, the cycle and being tired begins to “grow”.  Like attracts like, and more energy begets more energy.

You may be over giving from a fear of lack.  I fear that if I don’t keep giving at home, they will be angry (and reject me, or conflict will occur – lack of peace and security).  I fear if I don’t give at work, I will be “fired” (be rejected, or be made to feel “not good enough”).

We may be over-giving as a way of avoiding feeling or avoiding doing things that will lead to our success; avoiding failure.  When we over-give, we value the feelings and well-being of others over our own.  We may be enabling ourselves to stay stuck in a way of being that no longer serves us.  We must recognize too that when we are over giving to others, especially if they have not asked us to, we may be looking for an outcome -have an expectation – that they will like/love us better.  We may also be over-giving and inadvertently enabling them to stay stuck (feeling that they cannot stand on their own two feet and do what it is that we are doing for them; or creating a dependency that is related to our own fear and control; we may be using our over-giving as a mechanism of control to be “needed” – to create a sense of security and safety – and these are just a few of the possibilities.  Each soul is so unique, and therefore, any over-giving has a unique purpose and reason behind it for each soul’s plan.)

These are very real feelings, and very real fears.  So how do you undo all of this?  How do you become more balanced and stop over giving?

First, the “why” you would want to stop over-giving, and “what” happens when you do over-give (motivation to stop).  You want to stop over giving because 1) it makes you tired; 2) you don’t want to create illness from a body that lacks soul food to keep going; 3) you don’t want to continue to make an energetic statement that you do not deserve to be in balance (or to be loved, treated fairly, taken care of on occasion, or able to ask for support.).  Also, 4) you may be teaching your children how to be an over-giver, perpetuating the cycle.  5) You want to stop in order to come back into balance and be the giver of “good” energy – not worn-out energy.  And there are more reasons; these are just a few.

And that’s exactly what you are saying energetically when you over-give, both to those around you and to the universe.  I am not worthy.  Worse, you are telling your inner child that they are not worthy of taking care of; of asking for their needs and wants to be met; of listening to.  You are making a statement that you are “too afraid” to stand up for yourself; or that you are not worth as much as everyone else around you, a lack of respect of self.  And you may be teaching a “way of being” to your children.

This leads to eliciting a response from the universe; law of attraction is at work.  You create a lack of respect from others, because you are not respecting yourself.  More work gets piled on.  There is more to do at home to “take care” of the others, with seemingly little regard for how tired you are, or your feelings, or your needs, etc.  It compounds (another reason and motivation to catch this and to redirect the “train” of energy).  This new way of being, a balanced giver, will allow you to be a “good” energy giver!

Actions (1):  How to start the change:

1)      Examine what you believe

  • about your time
  • about what you deserve
  • about asking for your needs and wants

2)      Examine how you may have learned to be that way, or to think that way (no blame!).

These challenges are the very things that help us grow.  They are purposeful!  So don’t blame anyone for helping to put them in place.  We are all divine souls, here to help each other to have growth opportunities, choices, by having challenges.

  • What did you mom/dad do, think, say regarding balance? (Always tired?  Always over-giving?  Unhappy at work or home?)
  • Others around you (teachers, siblings, friends, etc.)?
  • What were you taught about “loving” or “respecting” yourself (voices like, “No self-respecting child of mine is going to ______!”; “If you really loved me then you would______.” Or others.)?
  • What were you taught about asking for your needs/wants to be heard, and then met; (selfish, vain, or any other negative activation of emotion?)

As you examine all of this, decide that you want to change being tired all the time.  That you want to give up the over giving!  That you want to give up any beliefs that you learned that are not serving you!

When you do this, it creates an energetic statement out to the universe – and you have just taken the first step in the “how” of the process of change.  You have spoken up for yourself, you have heard yourself.  It is required as a first step!  Don’t make light of this.  It is so important.

Decide what you want to believe about you, your worth, your time spent; how you want to feel in your life.  Take a few moments and write it down.  Look at others who may have some of the self-respect, balance, and freedom to give in a healthy way; look at those who are happy and energized.  Use them as your model, and as proof that you can create something different.  If you can, have a conversation with them about how they got to where they are.

When you do all of this, and begin to change, you will have more energy for everything!

Action (2):  How to support the change:

List ways that you could feed your soul; possibly listening to music or a book in the car if you have to drive in to work.  Take a walk during your day at work to de-stress, reconnect with nature, and your inner child.  Get up early and go to the beach or on a hike.  Sign up for a bird watching class, or some creative class that you have been wanting to do.  It will allow you to contribute to your life, both home and work, coming from a different place, coming in to the situation with a feeling of renewal and excitement.

Affirmation:  I am learning to become more aware.  I am learning to love myself.  I am learning to respect myself.

As you do this, others will too – law of attraction!  So try it and watch what changes ~

For more Angel Messages check out my blog,  And for “Soul Tools” go to my website and go to the products page – there are even a few “Freebies” on there! .

Wishing You Peace, Health & Happiness,







Vicki Murphy, BFA, RMPT, IEP

Intuitive Counselor

Certified Psychic Medium

Reiki Master Healer

Medical Intuitive

Reverend, Marriage &

Ceremonial Advisor

Corporate Consultant


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